Jumpcakes
by jantremendous
Summary: A parody of cupcakes, nuff said Rated M for gore and disturbing parts *READ AT YOUR OWN RISK*


The air was warm, the sun was shining, and all of Pony Ville was having a glorious day. The town square was bustling and crowded. Busy ponies were making their busy way through the streets. All the pony folk seemed to have somewhere to be. All, except Slice and dice, which was john's superhero identity. His place was wherever speed is. He freely tore through the town, speeding one way and the next. He buzzed the dusty roads and raced the wind. The mutant swooped pass a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children. Running several hundred feet, he drifted, going as fast as he could. Seconds before hitting the ground, His adamantium claws popped and he took off back into the adrenaline rush, john felt alive.

Then he remembered that he had somewhere to be; he was supposed to meet with his wife, rainbow dash, in five minutes. He'd gotten so caught up in his daily exercises that he nearly forgot.

Dash had asked john to meet her at Sugarcane Corner at three. She didn't say why or what they'd be doing, but john knew that with rainbow, it could be anything. He wasn't sure if she really wanted to go, though. He was so engaged with his adrenaline rush that he thought about blowing rainbow off to continue running. But, John's conscience got the better of him, as he was a Christian after all. He knew that it would hurt his wife's feelings; after all, it said in the bible that "thou shall not commit adultery" That's how it felt to john, blowing his wife off would be like committing adultery. He considered it and thought "why not." What did he have to lose? Heck, it might be more concerts. Rainbow might have found a bunch more fun stuff to pull off on folks. They'd so much fun the last time. John kicked it into overdrive, mostly to make for lost time, and sped to his appointment.

When he walked into the store, he was immediately greeted with his host bouncing in excitement.

"Awesome, you're here, you're here. I've been waiting all day." Said the jumping Pegasus. And she kissed john as they were now married, she was wearing a white blouse.

"Sorry if I'm a little late, honey. I was doing my morning exercises and lost track of time." John apologized.

Rainbow dash giggled and responded her tone gleefully reassuring, "Oh that's ok, and you're here now. What's a few more minutes. I've been so excited thinking about all fun stuff we're gonna do, I haven't stopped bouncing since I woke up. I mean, I almost forgot to breath I've been so happy."

John gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh. He always appreciated rainbow's friendly, outgoing way of life, but her overabundant enthusiasm almost creped him out. John was polite, however, because he was a gentleman like his father. If Rainbow was got this worked up, then it must good; whatever it was.

"So, you ready to get started, sweetie? I've got everything all ready." The Pegasus said.

John psyched himself up. "You know it, dash. What do you have planned? We gonna prank somebody? I got a couple of good ones I've been thinking about. Or maybe you got some stunts you think I should try? Or maybe…"

"MAKING OATMEAL CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!" rainbow dash happily announced.

"Oatmeal cc cookies"? John was confused. "Rainbow, how do you know my dad's secret recipe?"

"Oh that's not a problem. I called your dad; he told me the recipe "Rainbow explained.

john thought for about it for a second and replied, "Well, alright, I guess that's ok. What exactly do need me to do"?

"That's the spirit. Here you go." dash handed john a cupcake.

John was puzzled "I thought I was helping you bake."

"You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.

"So, is this like taste testing or something?"

"not exactly" Dash said.

john sniffed the cupcake for anything harmful "yup, it's clean" and popped the pastry into his mouth. he chewed a bit and swallowed. Rainbow dash thought to herself"I finally perfected the perfect recipe for drug inducing frosting, with anesthesia of course" "And I finally managed to make it with a scent that blocks john's animal senses"

"Ok, now what?" John asked.

"Now," dash informed "You take a nap."

Upon hearing that, the mutant felt lightheaded. His world spun and, seconds later, he dropped to the floor.

When john regained conciseness, he found himself in a dark room with only his briefs intact. He tried to move his head but found that the taut leather strap kept it firmly in place. He struggled to move, but the braces around his chest and limbs glued him to the upright planks. His legs were spread wide apart. The only part of him not tied down were his adamantium claws as the frame was backless. As he writhed, Rainbow dash jumped into his line of sight.

"Goodie, you're awake. Now we can get started." She gleefully stated. She was pushing a cart covered with a cloth.

"Rainbow dash, what's going on? I can't move!" John said in a worry.

"Well, duh, you're tied down." Rainbow chided "That's why you can't move. I didn't think you needed to be told that."

"But why? What's happening? I thought you said I was going to help make cookies."

"You are helping. You see. I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more."

"Special ingredient"? John was about to have an asthma attack breathing heavily and starting to panic. "(Wheeze) what special ingredient"?

Rainbow got serious as she saw her husband having an asthma attack "John here's your pump ok calm down." John relaxed when he finished with the pump.

John's eyes widen, his face contorted in fear. Then he started to laugh"Woo, really got me there, Rainbow dash. I mean, tricking me into thinking I'm gonna get made to a cookie. I have to tell you, this the best prank yet. You win, you're the best. "

Rainbow dash giggled even more. "Aw, thanks john. But I haven't done pranks today, so I can't accept your praise."

John was struggling again. "Rainbow, come on, this isn't funny."

"Then why were you laughing"? Rainbow grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart. The top of the tray contained various sharp medical tools and knives carefully organized and ready. There was a medicine bag and several other objects next to them.

John was now in full panic mode. He was starting to hyperventilate, but he controlled his asthma, as he took a primatine and a venadrill an hour ago. His mind was racing and he tried to reason with the blue Pegasus who was now his wife. "You can't do this Rainbow dash! I'm your husband!"

"I know you are and that's why I'm so happy it's that I've got you here. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me." She was skipping again.

"But, our family will wonder where we are. When evil strikes, they'll come looking for me and then you'll get found out." John was desperate.

"Oh, John" Rainbow said "don't worry, there are plenty of heroes to take care of a few villains. And besides, no one will find out. I mean, how long do you think I've been doing this?" And with that the lights suddenly came to life and showcased the rest the room.

"Oh god, no" John reeled in horror at the image presented to him. The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Rainbow dash flair. Colorful streamers of dried entrails danced around the ceiling, brightly painted skulls of all sizes were stuck on the walls, and organs done up in pastels filled with helium tied to the backs of chairs. The tables and chairs were made of bones and flesh of past ponies. John cringed at the center piece on the table nearest to him. The heads of four foals, their eyes closed like they were sleeping, wearing party hats made from their own skin. He recognized one of them as Apple Bloom's classmate. His eyes darted back and forth and then gazed up at the patchwork banner hanging from the rafters. Made from several pony hides, the words "Life is a party" were scrawled in not red paint, but blood.

John's attention was stolen by a party horn unfurling and tickling his nose. He saw rainbow dash standing in front of him. The Loyal pony was wearing a white blouse quilted from bones and white fabric to arouse her husband.

"Like it"? She asked "I made it myself."

John pleaded. "Rainbow please, I'm sorry if I did anything to you. I didn't mean it. Please let me go I promise I won't tell anybody, we can go home and do whatever you want now that we're married."

"Oh John, you didn't do anything. It's just that your number came up and, well, I don't make rules. We can't turn back now."

Jonathon Rowes was tearing up, "How could this be happening?"

"Aw don't be sad John" Rainbow dash said "Look this'll cheer you up. I brought you a friend."

Out of seemingly nowhere, Rainbow displayed a brown and white painted skull. It was about guinea pig sized.

john was freaking out. "Is…is that…is…that?"

"Hey, john lets hang together. These ponies are lameos. Dweebs." Rainbow dash mimicked. "I caught him right before your parents took him back to the pet store when you were 8. Remember when I left the party for about twenty minutes? That wasn't enough time to play with him of course; I had to wait till after the party to do that. But boy am I glad I did. It was worth for the flavor alone. Guinea pigs taste like two animals at once, it's amazing. I know he didn't have number like everyone else in pony Ville, but when was I gonna get another chance to try a guinea pig. I hindsight, I probably should have asked where he came from so I can get more, but I forgot. I'll tell you what though, he was quite the biter. Lasted a long time, which was fun for me, I got chance to play with somebody other than a pony and try new things. It's too bad he had such a potty mouth. he said so much bad stuff, I had to take his tongue out. You know, bad language makes for bad feelings, John."

John didn't have anything to say. He just sobbed and writhed at the sight of his wife eating his pet guinea pig "tonino dude I'm sorry…"

"Well" Rainbow said, putting the skull down" that's enough reminiscing, it's time to begin." She picked up a scalpel and walked over to johns right flank. Without any flair, she placed the blade an inch above his adamantium claws and started to slice them. His lungs working overtime, John shouted in pain and tried desperately to pull away. But the braces held him still. Finishing the incision, Rainbow grabbed the curved skinning knife from the tray. She worked it under the skin and sliced the claws away from the muscle in his knuckles. John ground' his teeth as he tearfully watched as his claws came off. Rainbow dash then moved to the other side and completed the other flank. Once she was done, Rainbow held up both sets of the adamantium claws in front of her husband and started waving them like pompoms. John just whimpered. His knuckles burned.

Placing the skin down, Rainbow selected the large butcher knife and walked behind Jonathan. But john remarked "You know I can regenerate my claws and the adamantium right?"

"Hope you don't mind, I think I'm gonna wing it now. " Rainbow laughed. She grabbed the left one and played with it for a second. Then, stretching the replacement of the bone claws half way through regaining the lost adamantium out, she brought the blade down at the base. Instantly, John screamed and thrashed his claws. The movement threw off Rainbow dashes aim. She tried to hit the mark again but missed wide and put a huge slice in Jonathan's back.

"John, you have to stay still or I'll keep missing."

She took another whack and hit the target. She swung again and again, blood spraying into the air, but realized she wasn't getting anywhere. The blade just wasn't going through the adamantium-covered bone. "Hmm, I guess I forgot to buy it of the same material. I'll try something else." She stated as she tossed the knife over her shoulder; the blade embedding itself in the table.

The crying Jonathan heard the sound of a metal box opening and closing.

"Got it! Say John, why does your dad call it hacking? It doesn't hack; hacking is what geeks do. This is a saw. I don't get it."

Rainbow placed the tool over the last attempt. It effortlessly sailed through the bone, the precious metal, and skin. The painful feeling of his wife hurting him purposely made john want to vomit. He watched helplessly as his second set of claws flew over his head and land with a *CLANG* on the table. Rainbow moved the next and started sawing. John didn't struggle this time; he'd given up trying to fight and just cried. Then the sawing abruptly paused. Rainbow was only half-way done, the claws hanging off by only a sliver.

"Hey John" she piped up "think fast"

Suddenly, she yanked the claws as hard as sure could. The bone and metal snapped but the skin held tight. The pull ripped a long strip flesh down johns back to his "rear end" if you will. The unexpected trauma caused his body seize. He felt the warm release between legs as his pelvis tensed up. John's loud, unending melody of pain filled the room. Unable to catch his breath, he blacked out.

He awoke with a gasp. The stench of his blood filled his empty nostrils. He saw a very pouty Rainbow dash removing the adrenaline needle from his chest. Stomping his feet, the frustrated John lashed out very pissed"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THIS RAINBOW DANGER DASH, THIS IS SICK".

"Didn't anybody teach you any manners? It's very rude to fall asleep when somebody invites you over to spend time with them. How would like if I came over to your side of the bed and went to sleep. "Oh I'm sorry John, you're boring, I think I'll take a nap." You think I like always doing this by myself. I told you how excited I got when I found you were next. I was excited to have my husband here with me while I worked. But NOOOOO! You've got to be inconsiderate. You know, I thought you were tough, I thought you could handle anything. I've had foals stand up better than you. Do I have to baby you? Huh? Is that how you want me to remember you, as a baby?"

He stopped to catch his breath. John blinked and softly cried. His back was on fire.

Rainbow then popped something red into her mouth and began to chew. She noticed John was staring at her.

"What?" she asked. "Oh this?" Holding up another piece. "Well, while YOU were asleep, I got a little impatient and helped myself sample. I got it from your leg, you're not bad. Would you like to try some"?

Without waiting for a response, she shoved the strip of meat into the revolted Jonathon's mouth. He immediately spit it out. Rainbow picked it up. "if you didn't want it, you could have said no." She then ate the discarded morsel. "It's not like you haven't had it before."

Swallowing, she turned her attention to the small can on the tray. She removed the lid, revealing that it was filled with burning coals. Sitting on top of the fire were several large nails. John began to panic again. Rainbow picked up the can and walked over to john's left. Carefully picking up a nail and grabbing a hammer, she positioned the spike at the seam between his leg and his hand.

"No! Rainbow NO!" John screamed. "NO! NO!"

The hammer came down and the nail punctured under his skin. The white hot burning wasn't hurting at all; john even thought it felt relaxing. John didn't try pulling and thrashing at the brace, his skin rubbed and tore. Rainbow tried to line up another one, but couldn't find her aim. She let out a frustrated grunt. When she pulled the hammer back to take a wild swing, John burst out crying after the pain extended to his nervous system. He was back to panicky mode.

"PLEASE STOP! PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!"

Rainbow rolled her eyes. Putting the hammer back down, she walked back in front of her husband. She stared pensively at the broken Mutant. Tonino didn't even cry this much when she stuck that living parasprite down his throat. Rainbow thought for a minute about what to do next. Then there was a sudden spark in her imagination. She grabbed the gear wheel on the rack and laid john on his back. She moved to johns legs, bringing the can with her. Rainbow picked up the hammer again and she drove a searing piece of metal into the bottom of John's foot. John screamed again: Rainbow put one into the other foot. Next she located the small generator on the tray. Tying the copper wires to the nails, she gave John a wink and flipped the switch. Electricity rocketed through John's body. The Mutant who had a healing factor, super speed, and an adamantium covered skeleton reacted immediately; body seized, muscles struck taut, the adamantium feeling like it was just forged. His abs thrust skyward and his eyes rolled back. He let out a deep, throat shredding cry. Rainbow had second thoughts about this thing right now. But her hand, controlling itself, turned up the juice. Dash tried to control herself, making sure her body didn't do anything else, it didn't even feel like she was in control, she was watching and her body had a mind of its own. His veins emptied once more.

After about five minutes, Rainbow woke up from blacking out, she was in a different spot than before, she wasn't near the voltage box, and she was hanging from the table trying to get up. What she saw was something no one, sane or insane, could tolerate. Her husband's organs were on the table, "(Groan) I wasn't in control of myself, OH NO", her body was dragging itself toward the operation table, not even in control. Her hand ripped out john's heart, rainbow dash watched as her self-controlled body pulled out her husband only thing keeping him alive at this point. The last thing john said before he died was to his now in-control wife, was "rainbow, why…" . rainbow was shocked at what she had done, she tried reversing the process, from the last step to the first, but it looked like john's body wasn't accepting the organs, which if left out of body for a long time, can be rejected. It didn't even look like the body was regenerating, "John why did I do this?".

Suddenly john woke up alive and well "(GASP) I'm healed I'm alive". John said with happiness, his claws regenerated also, the bone claws regenerated, and the adamantium followed, layering the claws.

John forgave his wife of her sins "Rainbow, don't worry , i know you were possesed by a demon from the godforsaken depths of hell, but i redeem you", Rainbow became tearful and emotional , she had tears of joy. "Heh heh lemme help you" (season one quote of hers from part 1 of the two part series premire of mlp;fim) she removed her husbands braces and nails. She gave john his suit back, john suggested "Honey you look sexy in that blouse , but remove the negative stuff, and put wool instead of bones". They laughed and they went to have some lunch

THE END

Bio:John "johnathon" dash

Age:21

Species:secondary power mutant

Reletives:Rainbow danger dash (wife) unamed father (alive), holly dash (sister in law)

Martial status:married

Powers and abilites: Mutant powers; super speed, super strength, adamantium claws (bone formerly), healing factor.

Iq:195


End file.
